Yum for once!

I want to write a post before my friend gets here!

Day 6:

I actually really enjoyed the taste of today's smoothie! I might have forgotten to put in protein this morning, because by lunch I was wondering about it and couldn't remember. The only difference is that I had to start my dinner smoothie earlier, but I will be eating a meal tonight once my friend arrives. I'm pretty excited about that. I haven't seen her in over a year and she was my best friend at college, so it's pretty cool that she is coming for a couple of days. 

I am still bummed I won't be finishing the cleanse, but I will still continue with the smoothies and am thankful that I've lost 10 of the 12 lbs I wanted to lose. It gets me back to a fresh start and that's what I needed. I will still continue blogging the rest of the days at least to comment on the smoothies and how I am finding replacing a meal with a smoothies and then eating regular food again. I'll just try to make better decision from now on. 

Love what the pineapple did to the colour AND it tastes great

I'm halfway there oooooooo living on some smoothays! but plans change

Today completes day five.....
This post was about to go in a completely different direction, but I just got some plans finalized, so it changes things. But before that:

Day 5:
It was actually an alright day. The smoothie was pretty good and today I could have went all days without snacks. I did actually, but more for a craving I did have a spoonful of peanut butter. It was pretty cool actually to know that you can actually go through a day with those smoothies. Okay now, since it's day five I needed to pick up a few more things for the remaining days, but I am completely confused about the shopping lists unless I am doing something completely wrong. I have so much leftover from the first five days shopping list. I wouldn't  have bought as many greens had I known. Kind of annoyed about that since salad ain't cheap these days. Oh well, it's a learning experience I guess. All in all an alright day.

Now... A friend of mine I thought was coming for Thanksgiving, cause she is going to school a little closer to me than where she lives with her family and she now has transportation. I sort of figured she might be coming for the week or something so I planned on finishing my cleanse even if she came this weekend if we had the rest of the week. However, it seems she will be coming tomorrow, so I'm at a little fork in the road and not staying the whole week. I was kind of excited to complete this cleanse as is, especially since I was doing it all the way and not even modified. I just don't know what to do. I just would feel weird being like "Here's your food, excuse me while I drink me smoothie and by the way let's reminisce about old times in which eating together was a part of..."

My options:

1. Finish the cleanse anyway and be unhappy but healthier
2. Finish with a modified cleanse but keeping to the book with healthier options
3. Smoothie for breakfast and lunch (or healthy salad with the greens for lunch) and then eat whatever the mood calls for with my friend.

There is no option where I don't continue with the smoothies because 1. It is healthier to get those nutrients anyway, 2. I bought the damn stuff and I'm damn well gonna use it, and 3. I do want to finish doing this for 10 days in some form. Plus I can still keep dong smoothies and maybe do a couple days of week where I do smoothies all day and work on switching more completely to healthier meals. I feel like this cleanse has been me quitting food I like to eat cold turkey and maybe I am more of someone that needs to be weaned off? I really don't know. I'm just talking out of head here.

I really don't want to quit. It's weird timing. If she was staying longer then I'd totally finish, but she will probably stay only until Tuesday at the latest which would be my last day of the cleanse and I know me; I would be unhappy during it. I would feel accomplished about finishing and I know probably healthier, but I think I would regret not taking full advantage of our visit which are very few and far between (I haven't seen her in over a year).

So far I am leaning towards option 2 or 3.

I basically just threw up all over this post which probably sucks for whoever is reading it, but hey! it's my blog. : P

No photo. No reason for one.

Battle of the Seeds

Day 4:

Blech! From the first sip of the kale based concoction, I knew it was going to be a hard cleanse day. As it turns out, I must not like kale. I've never had it before and am wondering if a smoothie was the best way to try it for the first time. As the day went on I must have gotten used to it, but that first sip of the day was shocking.

Thankfully I wasn't battling hunger as I was yesterday. The cravings are just as strong though. I guess I didn't help things by taking the opportunity to go through and organize my recipes. I was just going to look through it to find the Pecan Pie recipe I made before so I could make it for Thanksgiving, but there were so many loose papers in there I decided to go through them. There are a lot of good recipes in there I wanna try out!!! Maybe start a cooking/baking blog?

Okay... now the seeds from the fruits today are ridiculous. Normally I try to do some chewing like the book suggests to get the digestion going, but no way I was going to keep that up with those stupid seeds in there. Talk about annoying. Plus my chewing I was tasting it more and I was not about this smoothie today. This definitely does not go on the make again list. The previous three smoothies have been fine, but I haven't really tasted one yet that I really like enough to be like, "oh man I really am craving that smoothie right now over this cheesy deliciousness in a tortilla..." Yeah I'm still waiting for that!

No cleanse related pic from me today, so here is a picture of my pig eating pumpkin for the first time to hold you over:

Smurf it up

My smoothie life consists of these three cups. Notice I put a little more in the far left one for dinner!

I love blueberries. Blueberry pie. Blueberry muffins. Blueberry smoothies. They are all delicious and one thing I can add to the list of why I love them is their dye like juice. While I always kind of thought they were too messy and you have to be careful about what it touches, I now love the fact it takes over what it touches. If you look closely at the picture, particularly the tall cup, you'll see that the smoothie is not especially green today! Funnily enough, that does make it more appetizing.

Day 3:

I woke up hungry today and I have a feeling that's going to be a problem today. I feel everyone has days like that though. When you just can't seem to find enough to eat or can't find that one thing that will hit the spot. I know that midday through lunch I will be 1/4 of the way through and that helps. 

I definitely feel the benefits of the cleanse so far in terms of weight loss. I will admit I have peeked at the scale and am pleased. While I still have cravings for other food, especially something cheesy.... I know that I will love the end result of the cleanse.

I was right about feeling hungry today. I snacked pretty much as usual except I did have a handful of nuts in the evening. Cravings have been ridiculous today though!! My friend plays pool, so I go and watch the team play sometimes on Tuesday nights. She is pretty much coming from work, so she eats at the bar. She got something fried tonight and I was drooling just the tiniest of bits.... not to mention I wanted a drink. Just snacked on my nuts instead. Sigh. Coming home I looked around the kitchen wanting to eat whatever. I made the right decision and got a couple of baby carrots instead.

It;s hard at the moment, but I shall keep on keeping on....

If I drink green smoothies will I finally become the hulk?

RAWR!

It's not called the 10-day Green Smoothie Cleanse for nothing folks! I'm not really bothered by it although green liquid isn't the most appetizing look. I guess because I know what I put in it I'm not put off. Although later, on my third smoothie of the day (a.k.a. dinner), I did get a little tired of looking at it. ; )

Day 2:
I guess I'm almost surprised that I'm not that hungry throughout the day. I do get a little hungry after I drink my smoothie for some reason. I guess my body is just used to getting a lot more all at once. I end up snacking on a couple of carrots and I have hard boiled eggs after my lunch and then an apple with my dinner smoothie. The book is pretty good about what kinds of things to snack on and only cautions that snacking too much may affect weight loss.
I am not worried about that at all though.

I haven't been bothered too much about being more tired than I was before starting the cleanse. I think that scoop of protein I add is doing the trick. I am not doing anything really at the moment, so I can't speak for how much energy a working person or a more active person might have on the cleanse. For now, it's okay.

I had quite the number of temptations today when it comes to junk food, but I persevered. I plan on having smoothies in my life after the cleanse, but allowing for a cheat day here and there. That thought is really keeping me going and sticking to the cleanse. I'm not gonna lie, I was salivating at the smell of an onion being cut up. Hilarious, right?

I am a little tired of only having smoothies with healthy snacks, but I know once I get through the cleanse I will be happy and healthier, not too mention a tiny bit lighter. I can do it. So can you!

Smoothay with a side of carrots

Well, I am sure we can all guess what happened? Didn't really do much on that list. I really have no idea where my motivation goes. Every time it is so brief I wonder whether I had it to being with. So my life at the moment:

• I am now 27.
• I returned home in September having lived for a year in Manchester working on a Master's degree.
• Still awaiting the results of said degree.
• No job.
• Still obese.
• Still have anxiety issues.
• Still and more rapidly falling apart.
• Still trying.
• Mia-less. (RIP Mia)

That pretty much sums me up at the moment. Not sure what to do, but my friend Siouxsie messaged me one day and told about this 10-day green smoothie cleanse. She had been doing it and said that she really noticed a difference. I've always thought a cleanse was a good idea, but just never did it. I really liked the book and I liked how it said some things about diets that I've said for years. I really have little money, but I decided that it was worth it and bought the first five days worth of stuff (the book has a convenient shopping list). 

I made many a joke about a fictional bunny i was shopping for. 

I was going to wait until Monday to start, but I bought the stuff yesterday and couldn't wait. I think it was a combination of really wanting to try this out and the fact that it is frustrating as hell to buy food and not get into it straight away. Here goes nothing, right?

Day 1:

It really began last night. I know I have a problem with food if I was like an addict last night trying to get my last fix in before rehab. Had a glass of wine and tried to think of what I could eat, but I was tired and really was just over it. I settled for a handful of potato chips. 

I woke up with a killer pain in the neck that traveled up through the back of my head and stabbed my brain anytime I moved or, you know, breathed. I considered waiting until tomorrow to start, but then I could always be saying "tomorrow." So, I grabbed the blender and went to work. My mother is grossed out by the thought of drinking spinach in any form, so naturally when I blended the spinach and water together to make spinach juice (this is the first step to get the spinach all blended to which you then add the fruits) and offered her a refreshing glass... she didn't appreciate. 

Initial thoughts.... not bad, but not my favorite taste ever. I'm not tempted to drink them fast, so it actually is like a meal in terms of how much time it takes me to get through one. I like snacking. I had a couple of baby carrots throughout the day. I also had two hard boiled eggs with my lunch smoothie and plan on eating an apple later. 

I must say I do feel better already. When my killer neck finally died I was able to kind of think about everything so far and I notice now that I must have been super bloated. I feel like I have deflated some. I know I haven't even finished Day 1, but it is nice so far. I have been tempted with other foods, but I've resisted and it hasn't been too bad.

My worries.... this getting old after a couple of days, but then it is only 10 days and then I can figure out what I want to do next. Not to mention it'll be Thanksgiving right after I end this. If I can handle this okay, then I may do another one or even do a modified cleanse (2 smoothies a day and a healthy meal instead of three smoothies) after Thanksgiving. I worry about protein, since I have issues getting that anyway, but I did break down and buy some vegan, plant-based protein to add. It's vanilla flavored though, so it changes the taste of the smoothies a little. 

My only criticism of the cleanse so far is the amounts on the shopping list. I've never done this before so I wanted to get exactly what was listed. a lot of the amounts for the frozen fruit and greens were 20 ounces. In the store, however, most of the things available were from 5 oz up to 16 oz. So I had to get creative, but it was kind of frustrating. If I do this again, then I am going to have to figure out a better, and hopefully cheaper, way to get the goods.

Well let's just hope for the bast. Shall we?

Ready!

Ready to get this weight loss thing going. I realize I have goals and this sitting on my butt everyday doing pretty much nothing is not going to get my goals reached or my dreams realized. Time for things to change!

• I was accepted into Manchester Business School and I've already accepted my spot in the program. I start in September after my 26th birthday. Never mind fat... I WILL NOT start another school year OBESE. I refuse. 

• I will get another job and save. save. save. I don't need to be stressing about money. Also, will do my best to find more money for school through scholarships and loans.

• I will eat a salad everyday if I have to, but I WILL control my eating.

• I will remain active, whether it's through my new love: snowboarding, or through DDPYOGA, or Wii fit, or dancing embarrassingly in my room for an hour. I will lose to win.

• I will go for it even if no one believes me.

SO! That's a lot of "I wills" to stand by, but I'm ready to go for this! I am ready to stop sitting by and watching others do what I want to do. I'm ready to do it myself and surpass any expectations set for me. I am ready. Are you?

Fat Girl Snowboarding!

Please enjoy me falling on my butt while attempting to snowboard for the first time. Video includes: falls, laughter, crashing, and small victories in life. Description below video:

So I've always wanted to snowboard. I don't know why I just always thought it looked really fun and basically like skateboarding on snow. Of course, I don't skate board, but that is something I always wanted to do. My only experience there was a couple failed attempts at an ollie with a cheap walmart board many years ago.

A couple weeks ago I was in the local thrift store and saw a couple of snowboards. Many of them were cheaper children's ones, but there were two actual boards. I wanted to get it, but held back for some reason. After telling my dad about it (who likes playing in the snow as much as I do) he said that we need to go up there and get one.

Now it doesn't have the bindings and I don't have snowboard boots, so it's not the safest set up, but I couldn't help it. I don't have money for that stuff, but I will keep a look out for a good deal. Anyway, my dad used some straps to attach me to the board and at first he pulled me around on the snowmobile. It was really hard and let me tell you I was sore the next day!

What I really wanted to do though was go down the hill around the back of the house where we usually sled. We haven't actually went sledding this year, since we don't have anymore sledding equipment. They finally gave out on us last year. Back to the snowboarding: There was a lot of snow at first, but I managed to break through and start going down the hill. I mostly fell, but it was fun!

The next day I crashed into a tree... Yeah that hurt and I was limping for days. To be honest, I don't think my big toe has quite fully healed. Regardless the next weekend I was getting strapped back into the snow board and going down the hill. On the next to last run of the day, my dad had just driven me back up the hill on the atv and I was about to make the journey around the house when I said, "I don't think I'm ever going down this hill all the way." Wouldn't you know it? That was the run I made it down the hill! I couldn't help but throw my hands up in victory.

It's been too cold to go back out and I can't really go out during the week since I need my dad here to strap me in, but I am eagerly waiting for another chance to go down the hill again. Would like to build up my balance on the board.

I did this because I didn't have any excuse not to anymore. I've always been the one to sit and watch people do things on TV that looked like fun and made me want to do it, but I never did. Well I did it now. I mean I may have done it sloppy and whatnot, but I did it.

What is something you've always wanted to do but haven't as of YET?!

Still here

I'm here and fatter than ever. Well not fatter than ever, but just as fat as I've always been. What little I lost, I've since gained and a few more. Need to get my shit together. And quick. Have a few things to update on other than weight and will do that in a fuller post soon. Just not right this second. : )

Job and Stuff

Went to employment office for this company I used to do line work at. I really don't want to do line work, but went in hoping they had something else. The only thing they really had was a temporary position (meaning I'll get laid off after the holidays) prepping labels basically and then if my work finished early for the day I would have the opportunity to do line work to make up the hours. Not exciting and not what I wanted, but at least I'll be doing something else besides line work for most of the time. They offered it to me right there after the interview, so I went ahead and took it. Still looking for other work though. I also got a call for a clothing store near me I applied to online, wanting to set up an interview on Sat. I believe it is a sales associate position, so just your basic job. I don't know though. I really wanted to stay away from sales : (

Anyway, I am at least one step closer to things working out. I just need to work, which doesn't start till the 18th! Then I will save up the money to accept the offer to the master's program. Now that I can somewhat stop stressing about the job thing, I really need to revamp my exercising, as in I need to start exercising. I'm really starting a new life here, or trying to, and I'm just not going to be successful or happy without being the whole person I want to be. So if anyone has any tips, I'm always open to them!

This is what I plan on doing:

Getting back to what has worked for me before:
1 hour treadmill everyday, keeping it fresh with music and different speeds and difficulty
watching what I eat (more veggies and salads)

Then working in the new:
DDPYoga, I am so not giving up on this DDPYoga. I know it's the right thing for me.

I just need to keep motivated and stick to the program!

Merry Ole England

Well I got accepted to that Master's program in England I applied for. Now if I can come up with the money then I will be going there in less than a year. Let's hope I can pull that bit off.

Weight. Seriously need to get started on that again, like now. No more time to waste.

Job and weight loss are things that I need to focus on.

Great News, lots of work

I love it when good things happen to people in my life. When they are happy I tend to be happy. Two of my dear friends are getting married. Well, not to each other. I've known them around the same time and that has been since 2008. One of them, who I refer to as my sister usually, has asked me to be her Maid of Honor. Now... I usually don't get all choked up about happy things. Usually, I think it's awesome and will say so, but everything else I keep inside. It's probably best for all that way. Maybe it's because I received the news in a text and I was alone on my end, that I felt comfortable enough to be visually stunned, speechless, and teary-eyed. Of course I said yes. I love my sister.

So I have two friends getting married and hopefully a Masters program in England to do next year. That's all awesome and a lot needs to get done on my end before then. For the Masters: I need to apply (got everything including the application ready to go, just waiting on my references!), find a lot of money, lose weight, and get everything else done required for studying abroad after I'm accepted... hopefully. For both weddings, I need to find money for airfare and other things, keep an eye out for deals, and fit in dresses, especially the maid of honor one. What do these things have in common? Money and weight loss.

Regarding the weight: Now, I realize in the end my presence is the main thing. I would, however, like to be all there for my beautiful friends and not worry about being uncomfortable. Besides that, it's going to be better for my overall physical and mental health if I am not thousands of miles away from home feeling like shit about myself.

Regarding the money: I need a job. I need scholarships. Those two things are pretty much occupying my days right now, except for various errands. I am not seeing much, but I'm still looking and I have decided to go into a staffing service next week to see if they can hook me up anywhere at least temporarily. I am also going to go and turn my resume in at my old job, just not for the same work. I would love to do that part online, but its system is a bastard and won't work for me and they don't believe in email apparently. Can you tell I am hoping I find work elsewhere?

As for scholarships I am looking everyday and applying for every dollar I seem to qualify for, but most of them are those random ones you enter and hope you win. It's a little awkward for me as I am not a CURRENT student. I am also not from an underdeveloped country or a race other than white. I am still poor and need money for school however. #1stworldproblems? Yes, I think so. Still, I'm hoping to randomly discover a list somewhere of random scholarships/grants/whatnot that I randomly qualify for and have an awesome chance of winning. Now that's not too much to ask for is it?

Plan of attack: Continue looking for jobs and loose money. Get my butt of the chair every once in awhile and work out, but not stuffing my face full of unhealthy stuff. That'll work right?

Futures

I wonder how many futures we have....

Anyway I'm still here. Not currently doing any programs or being too proactive about the weight loss. I know, I know. I fail, but then I'm used to that. I will not, however, give up under any circumstances. Whatever future I have, I am determined to have it be a healthy one.

I've been thinking about what I want to do future wise and I know I want to have my own business someday and I know that I want to fulfill some need. So I've been trying to look into that path and have decided to apply to a masters program overseas. I don't know if it'll work out or if I will even get in, but it doesn't hurt to try. It also doesn't hurt to have another thing to motivate me and keep me moving forward.

So I hope everyone is doing well and blogging! I will try and keep updating. Right now I am visiting my Alma Mater for the week. I have access to the gym, so will go to that at least twice while I am here (or at least that is what I am telling myself).

Health Update

I seriously haven't blogged in 10 days? I apologize! Can't believe it's been that long. I've slipped on the exercise and tracking food thing again. I am still not out of the 220s and it sucks cause I was really close a few weeks ago.

Had my doctor's appointment today. I weighed in at 226 there. Of course I had on heavy pants, but that's still a lot. I am definitely going in the wrong direction. Do NOT like seeing the obesity stuff attached to my stuff there. But I had a physical and talked about my concerns with her and she said everything was normal, so I guess a lot of it is in my head. On another note, I started taking a multivitamin on Friday and two days later I got a cold. Life loves me! Now I'm at that lovely stage where I start coughing stuff up.

She of course wants me to lose weight, but I think I brought that up before she did. She talked about steps that I need to be doing. The problem is I kinda of know everything she mentioned and the real problem I have is motivation and keeping with it. She started talking about her own motivation for exercise issues (btw she's tiny) and it's a little hard to concentrate of what she was says when she was giving me a breast exam at the same time.

Basically, I didn't really get anything out of going in except an overdo physical. How is it I have felt like shit for months, but I'm healthy except for the obese thing? How does that work exactly?

Diagnoses: lose weight. No shit Sherlock.

I actually like the doctor though, not get me wrong. I just get frustrated when even doctors, who are supposed to help, can't.

In the end it really is up to you and you alone. Guess that means I need to get back at it. Might be going to visit my college in a week or so and would like to feel a little better. A 1-2 pound loss before then would really make me feel better!

Hope everyone is doing well!

Dancing in the dark

So I can't dance. I mean, not really. Sometimes, though, you just want to move to music that speaks to you. When that happens, you wait till the middle of the night when everyone else is asleep, you turn off your lights, put your earbuds in your ear and sway away... Not only is it stress relieving and a form of expression, it's also a great little exercise. For 20 minutes last night it was my exercise. I had planned getting on the treadmill again, but it got later and I didn't want the noise to mess with anybody.

Still doing okay with food and everything. I've gotten in the habit of eating a banana when I get up and a snack an hour or two before bed. I'm trying to eat about every 3-4 hours. Of course, my sleep is messed up again. I had an opportunity to get up this morning (my alarm went of and I had to use the bathroom and I was awake enough after to have stayed up), but I didn't. Decided sleep felt better than being up. Still need to get over that. It's always been funny to me that as hard as it is for me to get to sleep, sometimes I am perfectly content to sleep as long as I possibly can. Maybe subconsciously I'm afraid I won't get any for awhile. Who knows?

So today is my Day #3 and I should probably get my exercise over with sooner rather than later. I'll have to do it early tomorrow too, since around 3 I will heading off with a friend to play pool for her team (I suck at it by the way) and then spending the night, since it's in a different town. Although I can always suggest we go on a walk. I know she wants to exercise too. But I'll do something before just in case. Maybe actually get on the treadmill today and tomorrow DDPYoga? That sounds good to me.

I might not get a post up everyday (mostly cause I forget or the off chance I have nothing to say), but I will try to keep getting one up every other day at least. I want to keep up with everyone as well, so I'll try and be better about commenting on others posts! (I really to read them, but I've gotten lazy : ( )

10 days

So what am I up to these days? Well I've jumped on board with my friend Zulmarie and her great idea: #10daysoffitness. Make sure to head over and check it out if you haven't already. What is it? It's basically a repeating challenge that never gets boring, because you control it! Remember my 20-day challenge? Well i loved it because it made me exercise even when i didn't want to, which I'm the better for, but it also felt like it drug on in the end. That's why 10 days is perfect. 10 days of fitness, that I choose, and then 1-2 days off. Then back at it. I get the challenge, but also the freedom and less stress aspects. It's great!

Actually I am going to be a guest blogger over there, so there is your added incentive! As if you don't get more than enough of me over here! Click here to be directed to the article where I am introduced as a guest blogger! I will try not to be too repetitive with the two posts, but I won't be blogging there everyday or anything, so it should be okay. The main blogger, Zulmarie, is an awesome blogger by the way, make sure to read some of these past posts for some great motivation:

DONE with day #2

From Facebook: When you randomly motivate yourself reading something you posted earlier

Picture Motivation: New possibilities

But today was my Day #1, for #10days, and I am so glad to be back doing a challenge again. I can always feel myself slipping when I take too long of a break and I am sure no one wants to see me back in another funk! My personal plan for the #10days is to do 30 minutes (at least 20 is recommended!) and incorporate DDPYoga as well as other traditional exercises. I still love doing DDPYoga, but sometimes I just want to walk on the treadmill and listen to music you know? So that's what I did today; 30 minutes on the treadmill and I kept it between 3.0-3.5 mph, except the last 3 minutes or so to cool down. Felt great!

I think this may be the key for me. I need the challenge for the motivation to keep going and the sense of satisfaction finishing it brings. That's what #10daysoffitness is for me! I think this is going to go places and I am so thrilled to be involved. So hope this wasn't too commercially for anyone, but I really wanted to give it a go and try to explain what it means for me.

Goodbye to the few

No no! I'm not going anywhere. I lost 1.6 lbs this week, so i was just saying goodbye to those horrid little bastards. I realized after typing the title, those few who actually read this may think I've decided to say goodbye to the ole blogging life. Unfortunately for y'all, I'm not going anywhere. I may not type as much since I finished my 20 day challenge, but I got a lot more to do and a lot more to say.

I haven't exercised since Friday, which was the last day of my 20-day challenge. So, it begs the question, how? I have no clue other than I have been eating pretty well since Tuesday anyway. I mean I did alright the days before that too, but it was my brother's birthday on Monday and I had a little piece of cake and I don't know what was in it but everyone was so tired afterward. My brother went to bed immediately and I was only an hour or so behind him. I went to sleep probably around 6 or 7 and I woke up at 1 am. I was super thirsty, my throat is so dry these days when I wake up. I grabbed a bottle of water, took a couple of sips, and went to the bathroom. By the time I was done in there I was suddenly extremely hungry and I felt a little shaky and more than a little anxious. I ate a roll leftover from dinner, but that didn't seem to help. Started on another roll and looked up the symptoms on the internet. Hypoglycemia, low blood sugar is what stared back at me. Need sugar, it said. We had one banana left, so I ate that. Started to feel better pretty soon after. After about another 2 or 3 hours, I laid back down and went to sleep. It wasn't good sleep, it hasn't been good since either. Scary. The next two days.... well to be honest I'm still worried about it, but those two days directly after were anxiety ridden.

Needless to say, that was the last straw for me. I finally have broken down and set up a physical at the doctors. Don't want to and terrified (as usual). I know that this anxiety/panic stuff has turned me into a little hypochondriac (to be honest I think I may have had the tendency since I was a kid, but have never said anything), but at some point reality sets in and you can't explain away every symptom with stress. I know something is wrong, I'm just hoping it's something I can manage and clear up with what I've been trying to do. Worse case scenario: it's something not so easy to fix. Not that eating right and exercising after a lifetime of not is easy. It's just that in the end, all it takes is me getting up and doing, instead of sitting and not. I can do this. I can and I will. I just don't want my body to give up on me. I've never gave up on it... I just haven't been very nice to it. I repent! Just be okay.... please. See? I even ask nicely.

So on the 26th you'll find me at the doc's, sweating buckets and trying not to have a fit. After that.... hopefully filling a prescription or following doc's orders for diet and exercise. 

Don't mean to be a Debby Downer or morbid or worry anybody. I'm really okay right now. I just want to be okay for more than just now. I want to feel healthy for once, instead of afraid and iffy all the time. I know I'm not the only one either.

So here's to our health! It's what's we are all working for anyway.

Where?

Why did I not really record here today? To be honest, this is very much an afterthought. I have enjoyed the day of freedom after 20 days. I know I will soon enter another obligation soon, so I suppose I am very conscious of that notion.

I'm not sure what to write today. After all, I did not do yoga or exercise.... Should I feel ashamed or lenient? I do not think so. i am human after all and to human  is to err... is that not so?

I did a video for the end of my challenge:

Alhtough 222.3-223.2 does not equal a gain of 1.1, but still it's a gain and I am going in ths wrong direction. SO Need to do better. more on that next post.

25 Years Ago (Day 20 of 20)

25 years ago today, something cataclysmic occurred. That event, ladies and gentlemen, was my birth. YES, I, Katarina, came forth from my mother with a mission at the forefront of my still developing brain. That mission.... was to waste no time in conquering all that was in my power to grasp...

Fast forward to today and you find me 25 years old (a quarter of a century) and having wasted plenty of time conquering some, but nothing that quenches my thirst. I itch for adventure and wisdom, but unlike those pesky diseases of today, there is no simple pill to cure my ailment. NO... I must conquer my own mind before the world may even be considered a conquest. My mind... and my body...

_______

Okay so I'm nuts and I have an overactive imagination. If I were rich, they would call me eccentric. Alas, I am not.

Today was the last day of my 20 day challenge. The verdict: I GAINED 1.1 lbs instead of losing the 8 pounds I wanted to lose. Didn't think it was realistic to lose 8 lbs in 20 days, but the goal was to get as close as possible. Did not want what actually did happen. BUT, it's not like I'm giving up. I shall prevail. After all, I have a lot of things to conquer right?

Just to recap my day for those who are interested (By the way, I decided not to care about it today)-

I woke up at 11:something.
Opened a bottle of Pink Moscato bubbly deliciousness, cause time didn't exist today.
Opened a couple of cards and a few presents (also answering good wishes online!)
Went out to lunch with my mother to a place I had wanted to go for awhile and, as I suspected, delicious!
Then back home to spend time doing arts and crafts creating a bday card for someone else (FUN!).
Then to the movies with one of my brothers.
Then home to pizza, a movie, and my favorite Irish whiskey.

Now... you are wondering if I spared a moment to finish the 20 day challenge with Yoga..... the simple answer is: Yes. I did. I did Wake Up though, which IS a DDPYoga program, but is not to really be considered a workout for me by any means. It was, however, a very good stretch and beneficial for my health in some respect. I'm also not worrying about my calories today , but I will go back tomorrow and figure it out, just so I can keep the 30 days for that going.

For anyone wondering, I don't like my birthday, which is why I haven't mentioned it. I don't expect people to remember as I barely remember anybody's myself.  I never really do well on my birthday. I usually blow up at some point and have a fit. I expect it's the attention or the ever looming fact of mortality. Anyway, today wasn't all that bad. Wish my dad didn't have to go to drill this weekend. After all these years, I should be used to it. I suppose I wish he would have woken me up and said something before leaving early this morning. Maybe it's just the fact that after three years of celebrating it at school (one by myself and two with a friend), it would have been nice to try again all together. Maybe next year.... that is if I'm not off conquering something!

Thank you to all that have kept with me through this challenge and I expect that will continue to keep with me through this journey. I love you.

20 Day Challenge_____________

Day 1 (8/18/13): Fat Burner

Day 2 (8/19/13): Energy

Day 3 (8/20/13): Red Hot Core (and volleyball!)

Day 4 (8/21/13): Energy

Day 5 (8/22/13): Energy + Red Hot Core (and burpees + treadmill)
Day 6 (8/23/13): Red Hot Core
Day 7 (8/24/13): Diamond Cutter + Red Hot Core

Day 8 (8/25/13): Below the Belt + Red Hot Core

Day 9 (8/26/13): Mix Tape + Red Hot Core
Day 10 (8/27/13): Energy + Red Hot Core
Day 11 (8/28/13): Fat Burner + Red Hot Core
Day 12 (8/29/13): Energy + Red Hot Core
Day 13 (8/30/13): Red Hot Core
Day 14 (8/31/13): Energy
Day 15 (9/1/13): Stand Up
Day 16 (9/2/13): Fat Burner
Day 17 (9/3/13): Red Hot Core
Day 18 (9/4/13): Energy
Day 19 (9/5/13): Red Hot Core

Day 20 (9/6/13): Wake Up

Penultimate (Day 19 of 20)

Almost there and the closer I get the lazier I get. I know doing yoga the past 19 days doesn't make me lazy, but I'm steadily getting more reluctant to do yoga and I'm back to doing the easier ones, even though I had actually planned on doing the longer workouts and really doing well this week. I don't like this week so I really wanted to kick it's butt, but it seems to have a bigger bite than I do these days.

Case in point: I'm going to do Red Hot Core. I don't even care. Oh and I've gained this week. I'm going to do the official weigh-in tomorrow since it's the end of the challenge. It just sucks I wanted to lose weight these 20 days and I've actually managed to gain. Well, it's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it. I'm going to do yoga tomorrow anyway and finish my challenge and then I'm not going to give a shit the rest of the day (although I do have a good excuse). Still tracking though! My goal is to really stick to my calories next week!!!

Not going to let this get me too down, even though it's hard not to. I'm going in the wrong direction! Going to do a new challenge, but more about that later. For now, I hope you are doing better than me and still keeping it in there!!! I'm still confident we can all whoop this and get our goals straight in the face : )

20 Day Challenge_____________

Day 1 (8/18/13): Fat Burner

Day 2 (8/19/13): Energy

Day 3 (8/20/13): Red Hot Core (and volleyball!)

Day 4 (8/21/13): Energy

Day 5 (8/22/13): Energy + Red Hot Core (and burpees + treadmill)
Day 6 (8/23/13): Red Hot Core
Day 7 (8/24/13): Diamond Cutter + Red Hot Core

Day 8 (8/25/13): Below the Belt + Red Hot Core

Day 9 (8/26/13): Mix Tape + Red Hot Core
Day 10 (8/27/13): Energy + Red Hot Core
Day 11 (8/28/13): Fat Burner + Red Hot Core
Day 12 (8/29/13): Energy + Red Hot Core
Day 13 (8/30/13): Red Hot Core
Day 14 (8/31/13): Energy
Day 15 (9/1/13): Stand Up
Day 16 (9/2/13): Fat Burner
Day 17 (9/3/13): Red Hot Core
Day 18 (9/4/13): Energy
Day 19 (9/5/13): Red Hot Core