Can I just say I feel good today? I do. I've had a horrible couple of months and these past two days back eating right and just doing the Diamond Dozen last night has me having a good day. That's always a good thing.
I'm 24 years old and just graduated with my bachelors. I should be feeling great and starting a new life, but I had never felt worse. I'm not at my heaviest, but I'm certain I'm at my unhealthiest. My body has had it and had my mind start attacking me with panic attacks. Three-four weeks before graduating and I literally thought I was dying. I didn't know what to do, except what I've been taught since being little: call for help. By the time the ambulance got there I had calmed down and was just shaking. They said everything was fine, so I just stayed there. Went back to my room and it started all over again. I spent the next couple of hours pacing the building and outside trying to calm down and crying. It happened again a week later.
After graduating and getting home I experienced a week of hell. I'm naturally a night owl and I usually love it, but it got to be where I couldn't sleep even when I wanted to, because as soon as I laid down I started to panic and think my heart was about to go or something. I finally got my schedule back around and was sleeping at night and up during the day. Then four nights ago I was up till 3 am and not because I wanted to be. You would think I would be able to tell myself that I was having a panic attack and everything would be alright. The thing is, new physical symptoms happen after awhile, so even though I tell myself it's just an attack I've never felt like that before, so my mind tricks me again. The next day was a battle to keep calm, but that night I freaked out and finally told my mom I didn't feel good. She was trying to figure out what was wrong and I finally confessed what had been going on the past two months. It helped to get it out.
The next day I started tracking my food to make sure I was eating what I needed to be eating. I don't believe in changing what I eat too much, but just how much and when. I'm also a vegetarian, but unfortunately there's still a lot of junk that I can eat. I've lost about 30 pounds before by tracking and exercising, but I didn't stick with it. I have a problem with motivation (even when I have the best reasons) and keeping going in the long run. I'm hoping doing this with everyone here, and the pictures, and this blog, and possibly videos will help keep me accountable.
Yesterday I decided I would try the diamond dozen and after seeing that it was for me and trying out the members site I decided to order the DVD pack. It's a lot of money for someone who just graduated and doesn't have a job, but I have to get healthy (in more than one way) to get out there and find out what I want to do. I have to get over the fear that has taken over.
I still had moments yesterday, but I never went into a full panic. I know I have a long way to go and I'm going to have more moments, but the more I wait the longer the road is going to get, so I'm glad I've started. It's not just about losing weight anymore, it's about staying alive and actually living.
Here's to you and me!
-Katarina
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