Ready!

Ready to get this weight loss thing going. I realize I have goals and this sitting on my butt everyday doing pretty much nothing is not going to get my goals reached or my dreams realized. Time for things to change!

• I was accepted into Manchester Business School and I've already accepted my spot in the program. I start in September after my 26th birthday. Never mind fat... I WILL NOT start another school year OBESE. I refuse. 

• I will get another job and save. save. save. I don't need to be stressing about money. Also, will do my best to find more money for school through scholarships and loans.

• I will eat a salad everyday if I have to, but I WILL control my eating.

• I will remain active, whether it's through my new love: snowboarding, or through DDPYOGA, or Wii fit, or dancing embarrassingly in my room for an hour. I will lose to win.

• I will go for it even if no one believes me.

SO! That's a lot of "I wills" to stand by, but I'm ready to go for this! I am ready to stop sitting by and watching others do what I want to do. I'm ready to do it myself and surpass any expectations set for me. I am ready. Are you?

Fat Girl Snowboarding!

Please enjoy me falling on my butt while attempting to snowboard for the first time. Video includes: falls, laughter, crashing, and small victories in life. Description below video:

So I've always wanted to snowboard. I don't know why I just always thought it looked really fun and basically like skateboarding on snow. Of course, I don't skate board, but that is something I always wanted to do. My only experience there was a couple failed attempts at an ollie with a cheap walmart board many years ago.

A couple weeks ago I was in the local thrift store and saw a couple of snowboards. Many of them were cheaper children's ones, but there were two actual boards. I wanted to get it, but held back for some reason. After telling my dad about it (who likes playing in the snow as much as I do) he said that we need to go up there and get one.

Now it doesn't have the bindings and I don't have snowboard boots, so it's not the safest set up, but I couldn't help it. I don't have money for that stuff, but I will keep a look out for a good deal. Anyway, my dad used some straps to attach me to the board and at first he pulled me around on the snowmobile. It was really hard and let me tell you I was sore the next day!

What I really wanted to do though was go down the hill around the back of the house where we usually sled. We haven't actually went sledding this year, since we don't have anymore sledding equipment. They finally gave out on us last year. Back to the snowboarding: There was a lot of snow at first, but I managed to break through and start going down the hill. I mostly fell, but it was fun!

The next day I crashed into a tree... Yeah that hurt and I was limping for days. To be honest, I don't think my big toe has quite fully healed. Regardless the next weekend I was getting strapped back into the snow board and going down the hill. On the next to last run of the day, my dad had just driven me back up the hill on the atv and I was about to make the journey around the house when I said, "I don't think I'm ever going down this hill all the way." Wouldn't you know it? That was the run I made it down the hill! I couldn't help but throw my hands up in victory.

It's been too cold to go back out and I can't really go out during the week since I need my dad here to strap me in, but I am eagerly waiting for another chance to go down the hill again. Would like to build up my balance on the board.

I did this because I didn't have any excuse not to anymore. I've always been the one to sit and watch people do things on TV that looked like fun and made me want to do it, but I never did. Well I did it now. I mean I may have done it sloppy and whatnot, but I did it.

What is something you've always wanted to do but haven't as of YET?!

Dancing in the dark

So I can't dance. I mean, not really. Sometimes, though, you just want to move to music that speaks to you. When that happens, you wait till the middle of the night when everyone else is asleep, you turn off your lights, put your earbuds in your ear and sway away... Not only is it stress relieving and a form of expression, it's also a great little exercise. For 20 minutes last night it was my exercise. I had planned getting on the treadmill again, but it got later and I didn't want the noise to mess with anybody.

Still doing okay with food and everything. I've gotten in the habit of eating a banana when I get up and a snack an hour or two before bed. I'm trying to eat about every 3-4 hours. Of course, my sleep is messed up again. I had an opportunity to get up this morning (my alarm went of and I had to use the bathroom and I was awake enough after to have stayed up), but I didn't. Decided sleep felt better than being up. Still need to get over that. It's always been funny to me that as hard as it is for me to get to sleep, sometimes I am perfectly content to sleep as long as I possibly can. Maybe subconsciously I'm afraid I won't get any for awhile. Who knows?

So today is my Day #3 and I should probably get my exercise over with sooner rather than later. I'll have to do it early tomorrow too, since around 3 I will heading off with a friend to play pool for her team (I suck at it by the way) and then spending the night, since it's in a different town. Although I can always suggest we go on a walk. I know she wants to exercise too. But I'll do something before just in case. Maybe actually get on the treadmill today and tomorrow DDPYoga? That sounds good to me.

I might not get a post up everyday (mostly cause I forget or the off chance I have nothing to say), but I will try to keep getting one up every other day at least. I want to keep up with everyone as well, so I'll try and be better about commenting on others posts! (I really to read them, but I've gotten lazy : ( )

Goodbye to the few

No no! I'm not going anywhere. I lost 1.6 lbs this week, so i was just saying goodbye to those horrid little bastards. I realized after typing the title, those few who actually read this may think I've decided to say goodbye to the ole blogging life. Unfortunately for y'all, I'm not going anywhere. I may not type as much since I finished my 20 day challenge, but I got a lot more to do and a lot more to say.

I haven't exercised since Friday, which was the last day of my 20-day challenge. So, it begs the question, how? I have no clue other than I have been eating pretty well since Tuesday anyway. I mean I did alright the days before that too, but it was my brother's birthday on Monday and I had a little piece of cake and I don't know what was in it but everyone was so tired afterward. My brother went to bed immediately and I was only an hour or so behind him. I went to sleep probably around 6 or 7 and I woke up at 1 am. I was super thirsty, my throat is so dry these days when I wake up. I grabbed a bottle of water, took a couple of sips, and went to the bathroom. By the time I was done in there I was suddenly extremely hungry and I felt a little shaky and more than a little anxious. I ate a roll leftover from dinner, but that didn't seem to help. Started on another roll and looked up the symptoms on the internet. Hypoglycemia, low blood sugar is what stared back at me. Need sugar, it said. We had one banana left, so I ate that. Started to feel better pretty soon after. After about another 2 or 3 hours, I laid back down and went to sleep. It wasn't good sleep, it hasn't been good since either. Scary. The next two days.... well to be honest I'm still worried about it, but those two days directly after were anxiety ridden.

Needless to say, that was the last straw for me. I finally have broken down and set up a physical at the doctors. Don't want to and terrified (as usual). I know that this anxiety/panic stuff has turned me into a little hypochondriac (to be honest I think I may have had the tendency since I was a kid, but have never said anything), but at some point reality sets in and you can't explain away every symptom with stress. I know something is wrong, I'm just hoping it's something I can manage and clear up with what I've been trying to do. Worse case scenario: it's something not so easy to fix. Not that eating right and exercising after a lifetime of not is easy. It's just that in the end, all it takes is me getting up and doing, instead of sitting and not. I can do this. I can and I will. I just don't want my body to give up on me. I've never gave up on it... I just haven't been very nice to it. I repent! Just be okay.... please. See? I even ask nicely.

So on the 26th you'll find me at the doc's, sweating buckets and trying not to have a fit. After that.... hopefully filling a prescription or following doc's orders for diet and exercise. 

Don't mean to be a Debby Downer or morbid or worry anybody. I'm really okay right now. I just want to be okay for more than just now. I want to feel healthy for once, instead of afraid and iffy all the time. I know I'm not the only one either.

So here's to our health! It's what's we are all working for anyway.